Today I was filled with hurt and disappointment as I watched Pastor Rick speak about his work with prisons and Pastor Danny. His words were inspiring and biblical. He was speaking about character and loving the unlovable. He set it up with by telling the story of Joseph and how God used him to save two nations from famine. He tied this to the story of Pastor Danny Duchene, bringing out the fact that Danny was serving a life sentence for double murder and then gave His life to Christ. Pastor Rick explained that he had called the governor to ask for a commutation of Danny’s sentence so that he could come and serve on the Saddleback staff.  He followed that with this statement:

“That’s grace, that’s grace, that’s the kind of church we are. It doesn’t matter what your background is. I don’t care what you’ve done, how badly you’ve done it, or, who you’ve done it with, or how long you’ve done it. All that matters is the direction of your feet today. That’s all that matters.”

This was an amazing statement it is biblical and full of grace. The only problem is that it is not true. Saddleback and Pastor Rick do care about what you have done, in fact if you are a Registered Sex Offender you are not welcome on any Saddleback property, period. This includes attending Celebrate Recovery. Saddleback Church is actively seeking out RSOs to banish them. When asked for the biblical basis they do not give an answer. It is heart breaking that they are holding the past against people who have committed crimes before they were saved. There is no policy in place to restore RSO to fellowship. They have said that they are developing an escort system for RSOs, but do not have any idea when it will be implemented. I must ask, where is the grace and how can Pastor Rick not extend the same grace, he gives other felons to RSOs. Does not the blood of Christ have the power to overcome all sin? As you can see this is deeply hurtful and troubling. Also, if he were to think about it if Joseph were here today, he would not be allowed on Saddleback property because he would be a registered sex offender. 

Our God is so amazing! Today I received a call from the VA. One of the social workers called to tell me that she had found a Celebrate Recovery that accepts 290s. I had never spoken to her before. I had told one of the counselors at the VA about Saddlebacks new policy. She was troubled by this and asked the social worker to find a replacement for me. 

She had called around to different CRs and only one had answered the phone when she explained my plight I was skeptical and so I called the pastor in charge. When I told him about my situation his response brought me to tears.. He said more important than you being a 290 let me aske you, "do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ?" I responded absolutely. He then asked: "Have you surrendered your life to Him. I said absolutely He then said "Then you are more than welcome at our church and CR." I was so touched by his unwavering biblical response. Next week I will go to their CR. Amazing how God used the VA to show me His love and grace.

Two weeks has gone by since I received the news from Saddleback Church and their new exclusion of 290s pending the development of a new escort program. I have had many sleepless nights trying to reconcile their position with the biblical principles laid out in Celebrate Recovery. I have asked for and my family has asked for further explanation of this new policy. The answer is the same "trust God in the waiting," it is only a "Brief Pause" and we have a duty to protect the congregation. In one of the e-mails I was told it will not be more than a year before the new escort program will be implemented. What I am not understanding why they have implemented the ban before having the new program ready. It is strange how the very organization that I felt safe to share my history with is the one who is rejecting me. So many times in CR they talk abut being one of "those people" and how accepting they are of people that are seeking healing form their "Hurts, Habits, and hang ups. I have started working on finding a new recovery program and wonder what the Lord will provide. 

I am going to  get baptized.  I was saved in 2002 and had always thought since I had been baptized many years before that I did not need to  get baptized. However, when I was asked for my date of baptism I realized that I could not claim to be baptized since there was no evidence of a change of heart. I have lived such an ugly and sin filled life before 2002 that I know I have to make my public profession of faith now.

This week, I received a call  from Saddleback church. I was informed that due to my being a 290 registrant I am not allowed on Saddleback property for any services or to attend Celebrate Recovery. She said Saddleback is instituting a new policy  of not allowing 290s on their property until they create an escort program for 290s. This new program will require all 290s to be under escort any time they are on Saddleback property.  

I could not believe my ears. I could not believe they would do such a thing. I sent a letter asking them what their biblical reasoning was for doing this, the response I received ignored the question. Instead the leaders of Celebrate Recovery sent me an e-mail saying basically that they "echoed her concerns". Their theme is for me to  "trust God in the waiting." I am so heartbroken by all of this. The church that I love and the program that I attended for almost two decades was now rejecting me for what I did before I was saved and what I paid for with 16 years of incarceration. I cannot believe that they would come into prison and invite us to CRI (Celebrate Recovery Inside) and then when I come home, let me attend for 5 months then kick me out without warning or incident. My head is still spinning over all of this. I am trying to figure out what to do, I know that the Apostle Paul said not to forsake the gathering of the saints, so how does this reconcile with the position that Saddleback and CR are taking with all 290s. I am so hurt and confused. Yet at the same Time I know that My God is bigger than any issues that I face. 

It has now been two weeks since I have been back to work. It feels so good to be able to take this next step in becoming a productive member of society. The days are long, however, I am so grateful to have a job. It is mind boggling to be so busy at work all the while thinking of my brothers behind the wall who have so much time on their hands. I do more now in a day than they do in a month. The Lord made us to work and be productive, and I thank Him daily for being able to do just that.

My mindset is so much different now than it was back in the day, my work day starts with a prayer that God will keep me safe in this truck and not allow anyone to  get hurt in an accident and to keep it mechanically sound. It is so amazing how the cab of the truck can become a place for God and I to communicate. There are so many good sermons and praise music that fill the cab with God's love and companionship.  Thank you Lord for following through with your provision in my life.

The amazing part of this job is that nobody cares about your past, only how well you take care of their equipment, are you a safe driver, and do you take good care of their merchandise. This is definitely  the right industry for men in my position.

God has made a way. Finally the insurance was bound and I can go back to work. I am anxious to be able to get back on the road. My days will start early, 5:00 a.m..  I will be delivering palletized loads using a liftgate and pallet jack. It will be good exercise and help me to stay in shape. 

As I start this new chapter of work I am so grateful that God has made a way for me to work. It is so hard for many men coming out of prison to find gainful employment. There were those who said I was uninsurable. But, an insurance agent who was appropriately named Grace, found a company that took a chance and insured me. The hardest part was the waiting and wondering how God would handle this situation. There were many prayers answered, and as I told Grace, "in the end Grace always wins!"